"Since when did you become a porn critic, Chris?"

-Weidner

"Hey, is it uncouth to shit in the bathroom while they're cleaning it?"

-Stick

"No, Michelle doesn't eat on Mondays."

-Chris

"Where are all the orphans today? We need more large groups of orphans."
"So we can teach them to dance with newspapers. In the street."

-Stick & Michelle

"I hate when you start double spacing things, they look like shit."

-Chris

"Michelle, I wanna kill Nazis."

-Chris

"Yeah, I know what happens when people get thrown around the room. I can't find my gloves."

-Stick

"Chris, if I didn't have a man..."
"Tell your friends."

-Michelle & Chris

"What does this piece mean to me? Well it doesn't mean much. It's pretty. And stark. Maybe I'll make it pretty stark."

-Stick

"I found this pictures of a bunch of dwarves."

-Chrys

"Since when did EverQuest turn into Ever-fuckin-patch?"

-Chris

"I don't have a sister, Chris, but I hope you enjoyed it."

-Stick

"Dewey looks an awful lot like Tyler."

-Michelle

"Yeah, I like your legs, Michelle--when they're wrapped around my face!"

-Stick

"Where's your gel room?"

-Chrys

"My pants are done."

-Chris

"I don't have the time to be a video game nerd, you have a lot of time to be a video game nerd. Now you have to rub my foot."

-Michelle

"I think that would be great, to have blood dripping from the first electric."

-Chris

"A ball is dropped from 3,000 feet at a speed of 4,040 miles per hour. What is the capitol of Rome?"

-Ritter

"That's nice, but I'm not drinking tonight."
"Yeah you are."

-Michelle & Richard

"What about do-hickies?"
"Do-hickies are okay."
"What about thingies?"
"Thingies are bad."

-Chris & Tara

"I'm going to go eat some dead cow."

-Susie

"I'm not that big."

-Chris

"Wow, how many points do we need to tape our mouths shut?"

-Chris

"Plus it was the first thing I put in my mouth after I woke up."

-Chris

"You know I wouldn't have to remove your clothes to molest you."

-Emily

"Is college like U-High?"

-Julie Fisher

"Okay, not choking on the big dick in my mouth is about all I need to be thinking about."

-Kelsey

"I'm going to do it tomorrow. Packing, that is."
"Right."
"The fudge."

-Stick & Ping

"Holy crap. I can't believe this."
"What's that?"
"There's money in here."

-Kelli & Stick

"I'm a zen master."
"I noticed."

-Stick & Kelli

"I know there are breakable things back here."
"Yeah, but I locked my ego away for the show."

-Susan & Stick

"I am a rock, I am an island."
"Ahhh, you're a stump."

-Stick & Susan

"Explaining that it was 7:30 in the morning, the birds were chirping, I was in a really good mood and I smelled like rum."

-Phil

"This is early in the morning, it's 10:30."

-Kelli

"No, it really doesn't matter because I am going to smoke a cigarette."
"Can I write on your forehead?"

-Kelli & Stick

"That's really strong but I can't tell anymore."

-Phil

"It'd rather smoke the stuffing inside that couch."

-Kelli

"And from your rotting, bleeding corcus."
"Corcus?"
"Yeah, who's wearing the tap shoes now?"

-Stick, Kelli & Phil

"Get it, Kelli. Get it!"

-Phil

"I love it when they search for their heads."

-Whitey

"How do you turn these off?"
"Children? You lock them in hot cars."

-Phil & Susan

"By the way, if anyone asks, I did not just tell Phil to pee on an actor."

-Stick

"It's 10:41. And it's Friday. We have cheese!"

-Kelli

"You're gonna blow your cover."
"That's not all I'm gonna blow."

-Kelli & Stick

"This show is definitely going to hurt. It's going to hurt like falling down the stairs."

-Kelli

"I think after this I'm going to start burning and ripping."

-Stick

"Goddamn they've got a lot of parking back here."
"It's the back yard."

-Kelli & Stick

"In this life that we call home my brain's a cliff and my CD is a vinal."

-Kelli

"Where did Chrys go? Crisco!"

-Stick

"You are so optimistic it depresses me."

-Kelli

"Dragons and dragons and jews! Oh my!"

-Stick

"It's not a matter of right and wrong, it's a matter of insanity and institutionalization."

-Kelli

"I was out of my mind!"
"It's a good place to be."

-Kelli & Whitey

"It is bad that I warned my friends about Alison?"
"Why, what'd you say?"
"Probably not as much as I should."

-Phil & Stick

"Oh, that's naked acting teacher."

-Alison

"I'm getting it from both sides now."

-Phil

"Did you get it?"
"With a broom."

-Susan & Kelli

"Meanwhile, back at the show."

-Susan

"What do you want to listen to?"
"Lady's choice."
"So what did you want to listen to?"
"Was it the lady's or the choice that you didn't understand?"

-Alison & Stick

"You're an art fag."

-Alison

"I've never heard you say herb before. Herbivore!"

-Stick

"You can't read and drive."
"It's a book on tape."

-Kelli & Stick

"No one blames god for giving them two holes so close together. Oh no, they blame me."

-Chris

"I cannot do your bidding."

-Kelli

"Phil, you don't have an iron?"
"No..."
"You're going to need one."

-Stick & Phil

"I don't know why it's so dark."
"I think it'd because the earth has turned away from the sun."

-Jess & Stick

"I'm going to see Amy's Orgasm."

-Alison

"No, I would not play Tie-Me-To-A-Person-With-A-Knife."

-Kelli

"Now which door is that?"

-Stick

"You're going to have to dominate the sausage."

-Stick

"d00d, it's an xbox, it weighs like fifteen pounds."
"Fifteen plus twelve."
"Midgets."
"In full plate."

-Jason, PhiLeR, Stick & Ritter

"If this is hermaphroditic anmie porn I'm leaving."
"You of all people."

-Ritter & Stick

"Josh, I think you should pee from there. Hey, a moose."

-Jim

"Kelsey, did you make this mess or did you just buy it?"

-Jim

"Do you think the relationship would last if you weren't physically attracted to them?"
"That really depends on how good they were at sex with a bag over their head."

-Susie & Stick

"I like shots better."

-Laura

"I hope you hammer better than you drive a truck."

-Aaron Bertsch

"I always thought Laura liked the dark meat."

-Stick

"Have you ever seen Othello?"

-Chris

"Did you assimilate lots of young women?"

-Julie

"What do you say we ditch this popsicle stand and get ourselves a three pound chocolate bear?"

-Richard

"There's always room for cock."

-Kellie

"It's been Felgenhoured."

-Kia

"I'm not a man."

-Chris

"I lost you, or you lost me. Either way, reach out and touch me."

-Mili

"I'm going to rupture his prostate with my ejaculatory force."

-Stick

"I've gotta get an A, I've gotta get an A. I've gotta get some coke to get an A!"

-Richard

"I'm gonna go smoke and think about intervals of concavity."

-Mili

"It's like Mili meets senior year."

-Mili

"Vodka and semen shots are pretty good."

-Stick

"Don't go in the living room."
"What's in the living room?"
"Chris."

-Michelle & Shelley

"I never knew my name was as long as Howard."

-Milica

"Have a good time, don't get herpies."

-Stick

"Chris, I'm going to eat some of your food."
"I thought we've been over this, it isn't Chris' food."
"Okay. Laura, I'm going to eat some of your food."

-Stick & Laura

"December hit me like a door."

-Mili

"That's not a pen."
"Yes, it is."
"Not it's not, it's a butt picker."

-Stick & Chris

"Drink in public."
"That's pubic, d00d."

-Stick & Allison

"That was best left in the kitchen."
"Where it's easily moped up."

-Michelle & Richard

"You ever read the Bible? Jesus dies at the end."

-Chris

"Josh, no one's ever going to read that."
"I will."

-Mili & Stick

"I understand my showering responsibilities."
"I don't think you understand shit, d00d."

-Stick & Chris

"Why are we here?"
"Topeka balls."

-Stick & Emily

"Please do ask. I know nothing about chick stuff, like ballet, so all info would be helpful and appreciated."
"Holy shit, d00d, I know some male dancers."
"I stand by my politically incorrect statement."

-Zod & Stick

"Bitch, that'll learn ya."

-Richard

"I'm going to like your kids for their entire life, simply because they're your kids. Whatever they do."
"Yeah, I'm trying that approach."

-Stick & Zod